Making a Home

The beginning of exchange, no matter the country one is in, is extremely difficult. You're the new kid at school, in a different country, learning a foreign language, living in an unfamiliar house (with strangers), and trying to adjust to the cultural. And if you need your grades to transfer at the end of the year, than you can add the stress of schoolwork to that already heaping list.

I clearly remember, as if it were just yesterday, the mornings when I would wake up, look in the mirror, and think to myself, "I can't do this anymore. I don't have the energy to hold it all together today. Who I am and what I am is not enough. I don't want to face hours of difficulties, conversations that I can't comprehend, and the looks I get from people because they think I'm an idiot... I want home. I want a break. My mind, body, and spirit just need to rest. I can't take another day, God."

When my head would hit the pillow on those nights, I stared at the ceiling in amazement- not because I did it, but because He carried me through. Still, my long hours of sleep never sufficed, and I resented the dawn of each new day.

Obviously, I made it though... This week I'll be celebrating my three month anniversary here in Spain. Over time, and as I settled into a routine, the strange things became familiar- they became my life.
However, last Sunday in particular was a memorable day. For the first time, I woke up in the morning feeling like I was exactly where I was meant to be. I didn't open my eyes to an unfamiliar world where I didn't belong. Rather, I awoke to a new day with my family in my home.

I'm struggling to explain exactly how that morning was different from all the others, because at face value it was no different from any of the other preceding days. It wasn't about the day though- I guess it was really about me- about how I felt... Like an old contact lens had been removed from my eyes over night and replaced with something different. And whatever that "something" was, it made my whole being relax.

The day wasn't much. I made my own breakfast, went hiking with a friend, and then lounged around the house for the rest of the evening. But in the midst of all of it, I felt as though a weight had been lifted off of me, and I could move about my day with a new peace and comfort that hadn't been there before.

Beyond feeling so comfortable in my home now, I've also grown immensely closer to my host family.
My father, Javier, is a man that I would have loved to have as a dad growing up. Not only does he work hard to provide for his family, but he has a wonderful sense of humor, an infectious laughter, and makes the most delicious salad with a spruce of parsley (my favorite). Cristina is always running around, making phone calls, and cooking (even though she hates it), and in some ways I see myself being like her in the future. I really want to talk about Elena though- my little Elenita. I adore being a big sister in so many ways. My love for this family is growing deeper by the day- especially with each bear hug that Elena gives me, as she squeezes me with all her might.

Christmas is approaching, and I'm both excited and dreading the days of twinkling lights, santa claus, and gift wrapped boxes. The Holidays will undoubtably strengthen the bonds between my host family and me. But the question begs- will there be more joy than sadness? In January our first rotation will take place, where us exchange students here in Denia will all move houses.

I don't want to have to adjust to a new house and a new family, but more than that, I don't want to say goodbye to the ones I have now...

Exchange can be so bitter-sweet. And sometimes the only sweetness to be found is the stash of chocolate I keep.