Dance With Me

I'll never forget that summer day.

When the bright blue sky

Turned black and grey.

Feeling the sand under our feet

And with wild hair

We moved to the breeze

of the summer air.

Only 30% chance

weather.com said.

I lay back in the sun

and cleared my head.

That first boom of thunder 

I won't forget your face.

You jumped up

searching all over the place.

People were running.

Packing so fast.

But where to go?

It was sure to pass.

"This is dangerous"

"We'll die!"

you told me with fear.

I laughed.

Storm-chasing wouldn't be your career! 

But I assured you that soon

It would all be clear.

We stuffed our purses and clothes in the cooler.

It kept them dry.

The rain fell hard.

The umbrella was no use.

I was already wet.

There was nothing to loose.

Our adrenaline turned to excitement.

Your fear melted away.

There wasn't a thought in the world

beyond that moment. 

That day.

We screamed and danced.

Ignoring the pain.

How it pelted our bare skin

all that rain.

You picked up your chin.

We looked to the sky.

Palms wide open.

Hands held high.

Each droplet was blinding.

Our shouts arose.

But the joy was undeniable 

as we jumped on our toes.

They should have stayed.

The rest of the people that day.

The lightning was far off.

And we were safe.

From the initial fear

I'm glad we didn't run.

What a memory we made...

such a special one.

I'll never forget that day...

When we praised in the rain

Or the love in my heart...

For my girl Leah Jayne.

Heart Wrenching

The day is finally here.

Can it be that four months have already passed?

I closed my eyes and hit Snooze.

I'll miss this big fluffy bed of mine.

I shower for the last time in this shower.

I play with the little broken white tile on the floor with my big toe.

I use the last of my shampoo and body wash. Perfect timing.

I think back the beginning.

When my shampoo bottle was full.

The first day that I couldn't figure out how to use the shower head.

I laugh.

But that was ages ago.

I wrap myself in my towel. 

And stand on the circular rug.

I wipe the foggy mirror and look someone in the eyes.

They're not the same eyes that were looking back at me 4 months ago.

In this mirror I wiped my tears.

Rubbed my sleepy eyes.

Applied my makeup.

Straightened my hair as it slowly grew longer.

And the ends split.

I spoke to myself here.

I wondered about my own being.

I saw the progression of my body as it changed.

In my room I dress myself.

The rest is organized to be packed away.

I don't know where to begin.

I start anyway.

One suitcase is packed when Elena walks in.

She sits on my bed and watches me for a while.

She places my teeshirts in a pocket and zips it shut.

We're listening to music.

I can't remember what it was.

All I can think about is the little girl sitting on my bed.

A million memories running through my head.

I continue to pack.

Elena makes me breakfast.

I love her.

The maid says she needs to clean my room.

I return to the suitcases to finish my packing.

Elena and I squish the zippers down.

Teamwork.

And just like that my room is not longer my own.

It's empty.

Everything is piled in the dining room.

I've accumulated so many things.

Elena and I take Yaco for a walk.

He pulls so hard on the leash.

It makes me miss Bell.

I know she's stronger.

Elena holds my hand.

We talk the whole way.

She tells me not to leave.

I tell her I have no choice.

I love this little girl.

I want to hold her hand forever.

Our walk is over too soon.

We eat spaghetti with bacon bits.

My last super I suppose.

I remember my first lunch here.

It was a creamy lasagna on September 5th.

I learned the words for fork, knife, and spoon in spanish.

My first spanish lesson here.

Desert is an orange.

Gloria goes to the library to study for exams.

We say our goodbyes.

How do you say goodbye to a sister? 

I love her.

I choke back my tears.

I'm not leaving Spain.

We'll hang out again.

Those words provide no comfort though.

My heart hurts.

Back in my room everything is lifeless. 

It doesn't feel mine anymore.

I look to see where my things belong.

I remember those first days that I unpacked.

I relive the pain of every nightmare and tear in that room.

These four walls became my haven.

But that no longer stands.

My voice echoes in the emptiness.

I can't look at this any longer.

I grab my keys...

The* keys.

Are they still mine?

For these last few hours.

On my way down the street going to the beach,

I feel sick.

I don't want to go to the sea.

But I don't want to sit at home.

I keep walking anyway.

It's only 65 degrees but a man is tanning in a speedo. 

I find a different rock further down the path to sit.

I say a short prayer but I want to turn of my brain.

I hate thinking all the time.

I hate all this pain.

I go back home

Javier just left for work.

I missed him.

He calls me over the phone to say goodbye and good luck.

I hate myself for missing him.

But it would have been a hard goodbye.

I truly love him like a father.

Elena and I sleep on the couch for an hour.

It's time to leave.

In the car I can barely speak.

If I do I will cry.

I bring all my suitcases up to Emma's apartment.

Now it's mine.

Here we are.

3 Exchange students.

3 mothers.

I sit down with Emma and Yuki on the couch.

Emma puts her arm around me.

I cry into her.

I hate all this pain.

I just want to keep crying.

The girls help me carry my things to my room.

I don't want this.

I want to go home.

My home that's 10 minutes down the street by the beach.

That place is my home.

Not here.

This is Emma's room.

Not mine.

But I have to accept it.

Everything feels so strange.

The room is filled with mixed emotions.

None of us want to say goodbye.

The mothers chat.

Us exchange students express our anxiety and sadness.

It's time to say goodbye.

Elena squeezes me so hard and gives me a kiss.

Then Cristina.

I look at Elena again.

I pull her in close again.

I love this little girl.

"We will be sisters forever"

I say to her.

I mean every word.

I love her.

And then they're gone.

Down the elevator.

I watch them walk down the street with Yuki.

I'm jealous.

She's walking away with my family.

She'll be sleeping in my bed and sitting at my place at the table.

I have to stop.

Every emotion is so powerful.

Emma packs up her car with her new mom and leaves.

I hold it together until I get to my room.

3

2

1

And now I've lost it.

I unpack everything.

We eat dinner together.

Chicken caesar salad.

My new host mom buys anything I like to make me happy.

There's green tea in the cabinet too.

We talk about our schedules.

I'm in my room.

It's mine now.

Though my pillow says otherwise.

Emma's makeup has stained the pillow cover.

She cried here.

As do I.

Tomorrow I go back to school.

I have to walk across the city at 7:30 am.

I have to make a new routine.

I have to make a new life.

A new family.

A new home.

My Rotary Counselor calls to wish me good luck.

She's such a sweet woman.

But I'm so angry with her.

I blame my pain on her.

I blame it on Rotary.

For making us switch houses.

I try to end the conversation quickly.

I want to be alone.

I talk with family over Skype in New Jersey.

My old host family asks how I'm doing too.

I know I'll see them all soon.

I get off the computer to go to bed.

I go downstairs to say goodnight to everyone.

Only my host dad is still awake.

I head back to my room with a new sadness.

Cristina sends me a message on Facebook.

Elena just went to bed.

She yelled from her room,

"Mama, Papa, Gloria, y Camila, Buenas noches. Os quiero."

I here her voice in my mind.

I wish I could be there to say goodnight to her.

I love that little girl.

My new host sister has already gone to bed.

She didn't say goodnight to me.

I miss Elena.

It's almost midnight.

I've already fallen to my knees and said my prayers.

But the pain in my chest is only increasing.

I don't want to sleep though.

But I don't want to stay awake.

How many lives do I have to walk away from.

How much pain is it going to take?

Count the goodbyes, and tell me how many there will be.

Lord renew me.

Let this day come to an end.

A Year In Review

Happy New Year everyone! 

I'm behind on blogs (as usual) and will be filling you in soon about my

 New Year's Eve and Three Kings Day here in España.

First, though, I'd like to share 12 special events from 2012.

It was a year full of so much love, happiness, and new wisdom to propel me forward in life.

I can't thank you all enough for being apart of my year and every day that we continue into the future together.

New Years Eve 2011-2012
Spending my first moments of the year with the greatest friends I could ask for.

Lake Champion- Winter Weekend & sharing in the joy of watching others meet Christ!

Being rewarded for another amazing year of tennis with my tennis sister/doubles partner.

Timber Creek Prom/prom weekend, one of the best nights/weekends EVER! :)

Training and finally running the 4th of July race with Annie!

RockBridge summer camp with an amazing cabin of girls..

And the whirlpool where we almost lost our lives!!! haha

So many baptisms- Heather, Trey, Mom, and Me.

Saying goodbye to one family...

and Hello to another.

Meeting this girl thousands of miles away from our homes.

And finishing it all up by spending December 30th on the Mediterranean.

All that and so much more... 2012 was an awesome year but 2013 is going to be even better!!

Christmasssss!!!!

First of all, I'd like to make a confession. Despite the fact that I am in Spain and not France, I honestly believe that I've found the most amazing crepe place in the world. I cannot walk past the window without buying myself a huge crepe with Nutella... So tonight as I sat at the bus station with 15 minutes to spare, I may have run across the street and indulged in a crepe-nutella fantasy. And my workout for today is basically 6 feet under.

Now that I got that off my chest, let's talk about Christmas!

Holiday break lasts for a whopping 17 days! So I have a lot of time to either lay in bed like a loofa or do something productive.

On Christmas Eve we had lunch with family friends and relaxed for much of the afternoon before going home and getting ready for dinner. At 7pm we headed to the Grandparents house (a.k.a Los Yayos) to feast and and celebrate. Besides my host family and the grandparents, Javier's brother and his family joined us. We were eleven people in total.

The meal consisted of the following: Ham, shrimp, King crabs, German salad, Steak or sometype of seafood (whichever you preferred), ice cream, chocolate, and other delicious things for desert. Oh and of course, wine and champagne! 

At one point we were making a toast or singing something (I honestly can't remember) and everyone was standing up but Yayo (the grandpa) wouldn't move from his seat. Suddenly he started yelling and grabbing his chest. For a split second we all thought for sure that this man was having a heart attack... Until we realized the real humor in what was happening... Yayo was wearing a little Christmas tie with a button on it that made the tie light up and play a little Christmas tune. While grabbing his chest like a dying man, he was really just frantically looking for the button to make his tie light up and sing. Moments before we'd been fearing for his life and now we were all dying of laughter.

After we stuffed our faces it was time for the entertainment. Everyone had to prepare something. Elena played guitar, sang, and then danced with her cousin. Lucia (the cousin) played the recorder with her nose which made everyone cry in hysterics. I had no idea what to do for my turn, so I made my eyebrows dance along to the song Jingle-Bells. Javier and his brother played the guitar and sang, also. And after that, we all just danced around and had a merry time. Honestly, it was the most joyful Christmas Eve I've ever had. I was bubbling with laughter all night. There just wasn't time to be homesick, because I was already in the presence of so many loving people.

Just after 2am we went home and everyone was off to bed so Papa Noel could stop by with the presents. I stayed up till 3 and Skyped with family in New Jersey as they gathered in the living room and opened Pollyanna gifts.

When I finally went to bed I couldn't have been more pleased with the way that the day had gone.

 I forgot to mention that my packages from home hadn't arrived in time, so I would not be opening my Christmas gifts from family on time... but after crying about it for 10 minutes I didn't care anymore. Like I said, there just wasn't time to be sad that night. There was too much delicious food, rich wine, and joyful people.

My Facebook status basically summed it all up: "Best Christmas Eve of my entire life. I got to spend time with my family in New Jersey over Skype and celebrated all night long with my new family here in Spain. This season is all about the expression of your heart- and I finally know what the the Magic of Christmas really means. I've never felt so loved by others, or so eager to show my affection to others, as I do on this night... All because of the birth of Jesus, this world has been blessed with a beautiful time to celebrate our divine relationship with Him and others. ♥"

Papa Noel?

So the Christmas season is here. You're doing your last minute shopping and thinking "what the heck am I supposed to get for that Pollyanna gift?". Best of luck..
 I really don't feel any holiday spirit while taking a bike ride and sweating in this 70 degree weather. I'll surely be dreaming of a white Christmas this year.
As school finishes up this week, and my friends receive their grades for the first trimester, a holiday break of sixteen full days is almost upon us. TONS of dinners, lunches, and other gatherings with family and friends have all been arranged to keep us fat and happy during this time.

I will be blogging again soon to go into more detail about the traditions and things going within these two weeks of holidays. Right now I need to clean my room, write some letters, and hide this stack of Christmas presents!!!!!

I swear. I will be the worst Santa Claus when I become a mother- it's so hard to have all the presents hidden under my bed and not open them! haha

P.S. Friends at home- I hope you're all surviving the crazy workload that teacher heap on us the week before Christmas. And I pray that they didn't assign to much to do over break too!!!!

Quick Update

The "totally cool blog" that I promised was coming... isn't coming. I'm sorry guys. For some reason the video wouldn't upload onto my page. Anyway, here's a quick update.

Exchange is infamous for being a time of some serious weight gain, and I've been no exception. The good news is though I'm drinking a lot of green tea with honey and cinnamon now and trying to avoid the endless snacking on chocolate in the afternoons. Instead of taking a siesta for hours on end, I go for a walk or run. I'm feeling stronger and healthier, so we'll see what the scale has to say in a few weeks.

The temperature has suddenly climbed back into the high 60's and low 70's, also. My allergies were quick to react and I've been sniffling all day and night.

As you know (if you've read previous blogs) I had some camera trouble back in October. While my Canon is being repaired, my Aunt Charlotte sent me an awesome little digital camera in the mean time. This this new one is shock proof, water proof, dust proof, and freeze proof. What other "proof" is there? This thing is awesome!!! I was so excited to try it out. The camera also has a Panoramic feature that I used to take the following pictures..

The front yard/driveway.

180 degree shot of the Sea.

120 degree Panoramic view of the coast.

Today we're setting up the Christmas tree and Nativity to decorate for Navidad y los Tres Reyes Magos. Should I listen to Christmas music to get in the mood or will it just make me incredibly homesick? Maybe I should just avoid "Home for the Holidays", "White Christmas", and of course "Cristmas Shoes"- cause that one just makes everybody depressed!

Making a Home

The beginning of exchange, no matter the country one is in, is extremely difficult. You're the new kid at school, in a different country, learning a foreign language, living in an unfamiliar house (with strangers), and trying to adjust to the cultural. And if you need your grades to transfer at the end of the year, than you can add the stress of schoolwork to that already heaping list.

I clearly remember, as if it were just yesterday, the mornings when I would wake up, look in the mirror, and think to myself, "I can't do this anymore. I don't have the energy to hold it all together today. Who I am and what I am is not enough. I don't want to face hours of difficulties, conversations that I can't comprehend, and the looks I get from people because they think I'm an idiot... I want home. I want a break. My mind, body, and spirit just need to rest. I can't take another day, God."

When my head would hit the pillow on those nights, I stared at the ceiling in amazement- not because I did it, but because He carried me through. Still, my long hours of sleep never sufficed, and I resented the dawn of each new day.

Obviously, I made it though... This week I'll be celebrating my three month anniversary here in Spain. Over time, and as I settled into a routine, the strange things became familiar- they became my life.
However, last Sunday in particular was a memorable day. For the first time, I woke up in the morning feeling like I was exactly where I was meant to be. I didn't open my eyes to an unfamiliar world where I didn't belong. Rather, I awoke to a new day with my family in my home.

I'm struggling to explain exactly how that morning was different from all the others, because at face value it was no different from any of the other preceding days. It wasn't about the day though- I guess it was really about me- about how I felt... Like an old contact lens had been removed from my eyes over night and replaced with something different. And whatever that "something" was, it made my whole being relax.

The day wasn't much. I made my own breakfast, went hiking with a friend, and then lounged around the house for the rest of the evening. But in the midst of all of it, I felt as though a weight had been lifted off of me, and I could move about my day with a new peace and comfort that hadn't been there before.

Beyond feeling so comfortable in my home now, I've also grown immensely closer to my host family.
My father, Javier, is a man that I would have loved to have as a dad growing up. Not only does he work hard to provide for his family, but he has a wonderful sense of humor, an infectious laughter, and makes the most delicious salad with a spruce of parsley (my favorite). Cristina is always running around, making phone calls, and cooking (even though she hates it), and in some ways I see myself being like her in the future. I really want to talk about Elena though- my little Elenita. I adore being a big sister in so many ways. My love for this family is growing deeper by the day- especially with each bear hug that Elena gives me, as she squeezes me with all her might.

Christmas is approaching, and I'm both excited and dreading the days of twinkling lights, santa claus, and gift wrapped boxes. The Holidays will undoubtably strengthen the bonds between my host family and me. But the question begs- will there be more joy than sadness? In January our first rotation will take place, where us exchange students here in Denia will all move houses.

I don't want to have to adjust to a new house and a new family, but more than that, I don't want to say goodbye to the ones I have now...

Exchange can be so bitter-sweet. And sometimes the only sweetness to be found is the stash of chocolate I keep.