A Sister's Love

Becoming an exchange student sounded like the most fantastic idea when I first heard about the opportunity two years ago. Today, as I went for a run along the sea I was filled with numerous emotions; none of them being appreciation or excitement for this experience.

I survived my entire first week of school but not without many difficulties. This morning my philosophy teacher digressed from the lesson for ten whole minutes to mock me in front of the class and say what a pity it was that I couldn’t understand Spanish and had to look like and idiot. I know this because Stefania, my only friend, explained what the teacher said after class and apologized for his rudeness. The laughter of my classmates stuck with me all day, though, and my spirits remained low.

Many of my classmates are unique (for lack of a nicer word). The boys help each other to knot their dreadlocks and I’m pretty sure I witnessed a drug exchange yesterday between two girls, but I’m not completely positive. Making friends has been extremely difficult especially because although I change classes, the same students are in every one of my classes. Therefor, I don’t have many new opportunities to make friends. At lunch I found my friend Eli, another exchange student from the United States, and asked him about his week. He’s made several friends and enjoys the science and math classes that he has. If things don’t improve in school I might ask to change my schedule, but for now I’m going to give these artistic classes a shot.

After school I ate lunch, spent some time on the computer, and then went for a run at 3:45pm. During this time most people take their afternoon siesta (nap) so few people were at the beach. I sat on a rock, turned up the music on my iPod, and cried.

Once ready, I ran along the beautiful coast and calmed my emotions. Along the shore I stopped to sift through rocks and shells. I picked up lots of sea glass for my best friend Nicole who has a collection at home, and was brought to tears again. Before heading home, I sat on a cliff of rocks, turned off my iPod, and said a prayer. The waves came up and flooded tiny pools of stone and coral that slowly trickled back to the sea. Closing my eyes and taking deep breaths, I let go of all the negative emotions that poisoned my thoughts today and opened my heart. At 6:00pm I walked home, took a shower, and layed down to rest.

Elena, my little host sister, and her friend came into my room at 7:30 and invited me to walk the dog with them. The three of walked to the beach again and strolled down the path with Yaco in the lead. What happened next made me speechless. Elena walked up behind me, took my hand in hers, looked up into my eyes, and smiled. Words were not needed to express anything. For the rest of the walk we held hands and I no longer felt homesick because her hand reminded me that she is my sister now, and this is my home.

Every day here in Spain feels like a year. Moments of joy pass quickly and homesickness attacks me at every opportune moment. Thinking of home and my life there drags the life out of my days. But despite every difficulty, I know that I need to keep focusing on the positive aspects of this exchange, the relationships that are forming, and my personal growth. Tonight I’ll be going to bed feeling much different than I had this morning. I have a loving family to take care of me here in Dénia and a year to strengthen these bonds. The sea and cliffs make for breathtaking scenery when I need to distract myself from the ugly feelings inside of me. And most importantly, everything is going to get better once I find my place to belong in this city and learn what it means to be a Spaniard. As long as I center my thoughts on these things, the days will be easier. I refuse to go home early or throw away this once in a lifetime opportunity. I know that I can do this; one step at a time.

My Love for English Teachers!

Today was my second day of school, and if wasn't for a glorious vacation (english class) than I don't know if I could have made it.

This morning I woke up at 6:45, got dressed, and packed my own sandwich for lunch. At 7:45 Javier drove me to school. Somehow, I figured out my schedule and found my first class on time. After that I learned to find familiar faces and follow them to the next room.

My first class was philosophy...? I really don't remember. I just stared at my teacher and tried to figure out which famous actor he looks like the most. He's old, and not attractive, but still every "Hollywood" looking. English was second period and she speaks in english for all 55 minutes of class. God bless that woman! We listened to a song by Pink and the students had to translate it in spanish. My teacher calls on me a lot, and it's nice to be recognized whereas in my other classes I feel like I blend in with the wall.

After third period I had 30 minutes of free time to go outside and eat my sandwich. I found Ana, my host sister's friend, and sat with her during free time. I wasn't included in much of the conversation, but it felt really good to have a place to belong and Ana is always really sweet to me. My next class was Art history and I struggled to stay awake as my little old teacher spoke of famous artists and architects that I'd never heard of before. To be honest, going to art museums or observing artwork has never really been an interest of mine, so this is definitely a learning experience.

The rest of my day consisted of several boring classes where I stared at the teacher, completely clueless, and tried to understand basic spanish words that they spoke. My valenciano teacher politely brought me in front of the entire class and asked me various questions that I couldn't answer. The students got a good laugh out of that, but I tried to smile at myself and not be upset. Every exchange student has to learn how to be laughed at... and laugh along sometimes.

At the end of the day I had art class for two whole hours. My teacher was quick to observe my terrible artwork and ask why I was even in that class if I can't  draw. I told him that the school placed me in that class and it was beyond my control. He wasn't happy though and I'm almost positive that he's going to ask the principal to change me schedule. I'll just have to wait and see...

Everything is completely exhausting. At 3 o'clock I was ready to be done for the day. My brain never stops processing things and my dreams are already in spanish. The only problem is, I can't even understand the spanish in my dreams so I wake up just as frustrated and confused as I did when I fell asleep. There's really no escape at this point.

Tonight I helped my younger sister with her English homework. I couldn't get her to understand that you say "you are" for both "you" and "you all" as in "tu" y "vosotros".  I showed her my spanish notes from school in the U.S. and I told her that spanish is difficult for me to learn. Elena pointed to her notes and said that english is just as difficult for her. It was a good bonding experience though, and it was nice to feel useful and not completely invisible like I felt in school today.

Buenas Noches!

Oh, I forgot to mention the fried lamb brains I had for dinner... Lamb brain turns to a thick cream when you bite it. Sorry if that's too descriptive for some of you. It wasn't that bad, but I don't think I'll try it again! haha

One Step at a Time

This blog entry is very long and poorly written but I tried to best summarize this past week. Please, bare with me…

On Saturday night I went to my first official Spanish fiesta with my host sister and her friends. At first, I was really nervous about this experience. An 9pm Gloria and I got dropped off at her friend Ana's house. Ana is really nice and she's also my age so I'm looking forward to seeing her in school. We had dinner and talked for a while. Ana and her sister included me in the conversation too and it made me feel really welcome. At about 11:30 we drove the nearby town where the fiesta was and walked through the streets decorated with papel picado (they were impress that I knew what it was) and all the cages and bars that line the streets for when the bulls come. At midnight the place was empty. As time went on though we met up with more friends and people started to arrive. I left at 2am so I didn't get to stay to long but it was pretty fun for my first time. Everyone kept explaining "this party really stinks. Usually the music is better. Normally we dance more"but it was fun for me anyway and I'm glad that I conquered that mini fear of the fiesta atmosphere. 

On Sunday morning I walked to the beach with my family where we swam for a while and then left to go to lunch with a large group of friends and family. Sundays are important family days here. For four hours everyone socialized over seafood paella and deserts. I was silent the most of the time as all the teenagers hung out, played with things on their iPhones, and talked really fast. 

That night we drove to Valencia and dropped off Gloria at her apartment where she will live during the week while she's in college and return home on the weekends. I also claimed my lost luggage at the airport so I could stop wearing the same shorts for six days!! It felt like Christmas in September when I got my suitcases.

Early Monday morning my host parents left for vacation in the islands so when I woke up I was home alone. At noon Christina, the wife of Arturo (the Rotary President), and her two daughters picked me up from the house and brought me to their hotel that is directly on the beach in Denia. I stayed with their two daughters Carmen and Christina from Monday to Wednesday at the hotel. I read my book, wrote in my journal, and slept, a lot. The food at the hotel was amazing, and on Wednesday we even had a seven course meal for a birthday celebration. Some of the courses included octopus, squid, shrimps, and different fish. All of it was delicious.

I enrolled in highschool on Monday but there were lots of problems and they changed the courses that I originally planned to take. Now, I will be studying artistic courses on a senior level. I can’t imagine how hard this year is going to be, but I hope that if I study hard enough, I will pass my classes.

On Wednesday night I stayed in the hotel room alone because the family that I was staying with had to leave. It felt nice to have some time alone. I took a really long shower, watched the tv in English, and then cried for a while. Being almost completely silent for a week is something I never thought I could do… until it actually happened. I felt so lonely and homesick despite my location in this beautiful country. I even sang to myself to remember that I had a voice.

Wednesday night was restless and miserable. The next morning I got up at 7, had breakfast at the hotel buffet, and brought my bags down to find the employee at the hotel that needed to bring me to the train station to go to Madrid. He dropped me off on the sidewalk and almost left before I explained that I had no idea what I was supposed to do. Thankfully other Rotary students and adults showed up in the next few minutes.

There are two other girls and two boys that are also living in Denia this year. Four of us are from the United States and one girl is from Taiwan. We took a 1.5 hour bus ride from Denia to Valencia and then waited two hours before riding a train from Valencia to Madrid. Once in Madrid tons of other exchange students all united at the train station where we got on a bus and headed to our location for the weekend.

The Orientation was held on the campus of some type of an old school. After arriving in the afternoon games were organized for us to mingle with all of the exchange students and make new friends. Countries such as Canada, Germany, Australia, Iceland, Taiwan, and France were represented along with the majority of American students. The entire weekend was amazing. The food and games may have been a bit terrible, but being surrounded by fun and energetic teenagers from all over the globe made a huge difference. Amongst the many memorize that were made, Margeir, my friend from Iceland, tried his first Reese’s cup and Jolly Rancher, both which he enjoyed very much.

Returning to my host family after a long week was so different. This weekend, with all of the exchange students in Madrid, reestablished my confidence and comfort in my home away from home. Since I returned to Denia today I’ve been speaking much more Spanish. My little sister asked again if I could stay all year and not change host families, and that made me feel so loved.

Tonight I gave my host family their gifts and even let them try Reese’s cups. My older host sister was in a motorbike accident while I was gone so she will be home all week instead of returning to college. I’m so happy that I’m making progress already and it’s only been a week and a half.  I still miss my family and friends EXTREMELY much but now that I’m having a better time in Spain and learning to verbally express myself I feel much better.

Walks on the Beach

I'm just going to apologize now for those of you who don't want to read really long blogs. Right now I'm having a lot of new experiences and riding a roller coaster of emotions each day. These first few blogs might be really long. But if you're up for it, I'm willing to share almost everything.

Yesterday I was really homesick. Gloria and I walked through the main shopping district in Denia and we hung out with some of her friends.  Then we had dinner at our Aunt's house. I met more cousins and the grandparents. All day I barely spoke in spanish and I felt really lonely. That's when those thoughts of doubt creep into my mind like "why am I doing this", "I will never learn spanish", and "I wish I was home with my friends". I just have to push those thoughts away and remember that it will all get better. Before bed, I talked to Thaís, an exchange student that I met in the United States last year that is from Brazil. She was really supportive and assured me that over time things will get better and when I need to talk she will be there for me.

This morning when I work up, the maid was here. Mom said there wouldn't be one, but as always I was right!!! and there was a maid that cleaned the house, my room, and made my bed! woohoo!! I was surprised that I still felt extremely sad and homesick even after a goodnight's sleep. I ate breakfast and wrote in my journal out on the porch and then came inside to watch t.v. with Elena. I fell asleep though, and didn't wake up until Christina came home and made lunch.

It's really weird. I never get hungry here. Maybe it's because my body is still adjusting or my sleep schedule is off, but I'm never hungry unless I don't eat for like eight hours. I don't understand it because usually at home I'm hungry all the time and can't wait for the next meal.

Anyway, after lunch I wrote down all of the new words that I have learned in spanish so far and practiced saying them. I don't want people to have to teach me the same word more than one or two times. I need to practice and train my memory on my own so that I will learn the language quicker.

At 5:00 Christina and I dropped Elena off at her cousin's how for a "play date" (you still call it that when you're ten years old right? lol. Christina and I drove south along the coast until we got to a beautiful hotel. Arturo, the president of rotary in Denia, and his wife own this hotel that backs up directly onto the beach. Here I met them, their children, and my spanish tutor. Next week my host parents are going on vacation so I am going to stay at this hotel and spend time with Arturo's daughters who are my age and also play tennis. My host mom says that in the winter I will take tennis lessons with them.

We left the hotel after about an hour and went back to Christina's sister's house where Elena was playing with her cousin. Christina has like six sisters (or seven... I don't know) and I met three of them today. Their house is also directly on the beach and I watched them windsurf.

Elena, her three cousins, and I walked their puppy along the beach and we talked in "spanglish". I asked Elena if she wants to come to the United States when she grows up. She said yes and that she wants to visit my husband and I in New Jersey. I thought that was hilarious and adorable at the same time. Elena is sleeping over her cousin's house tonight so Christina and I left shortly after and went to the supermarket.

Tonight I skyped with my dad, and then with my mom and sister.  Gloria showed me her yearbook from the year that she stayed in Ohio and I showed her mine. I told her about all of my favorite teachers and she thinks that Mr. Petrillo and Señora M. are very young. I let Gloria and Christina listen to Mr. Petrillo's music too, and they were pleasantly surprised by his voice. There were lots of laughs floating throughout the house tonight.

Overall I am really happy with how things are turning out. Despite a horrible travel experience, and living in the same clothes for three days so far, things are getting better. The more I sleep, the less emotional I feel all the time and the more I talk and laugh, the less stressful I feel. Tomorrow night we are going to a fiesta in a nearby town, so we'll see how that goes. I'm seriously looking forward to getting my suitcases on sunday and really settling into my room with all of my belongings.

Buenos Noches! I will write again soon.

Barely Made It.

             As I write this blog I am sitting on the airplane. It’s almost 10pm (New Jersey time) and 4am (Paris time). In four hours I will arrive in Paris and then get a connecting flight to Valencia where I will finally arrive at noon and embrace the welcome of my host family.

            Today has been one of the craziest days of my entire life…

            At 7am I woke up, took a shower, and got dressed. Then I woke up all the girls by playing “Some Nights” by Fun. and kept it on replay as we got ready. Mom got Don’s Bagels for us, and I forced food down my throat even though I was too nervous to feel the slightest hunger. At 9:15 we took our final group shots together and the tears began to fall. I could never put into words how much I love and each and every one of my friends. Thinking that I won’t be there with them for Christmas, birthdays, prom, and every other night of the week seems impossible. I’ll be back next week right? (I’m just kidding Unlce Jack I would never break our pink promise) But still. Those last hugs will never sustain me an entire year. I’m just going to have to face the homesickness and get over it.

            Next came the Philadelphia Airport… Now, I’m going to do my best not to complain, but I hope you can sympathize with how I already felt after saying goodbye to everything I’ve ever known. Almost everything that could have gone wrong did go wrong. I say almost because… well… let me just explain the whole experience…

            When I was checking in my luggage the woman didn’t understand why my visa is going to expire in 3 months to we were sent to “Special Services”. There, I checked my bags where the man asked me to pay the $100 dollar fee for my second piece of luggage. The problem was, I had already paid for it last night online and didn’t print the receipt. Thankfully, it all worked out and he found on his computer that I had indeed paid the fee.

            Going through security I dropped my 40lb carry on bag on a man’s foot and he freaked out. His reaction was unnecessary but after apologizing once I refused to be embarrassed or let it get to me.

            I made it to my departure gate and sat there for an hour and a half because of rain delays. When we finally boarded the plan we sat for another 30min and then pulled out onto the runway. At that point all flights leaving Philadelphia were stopped because of the weather. We sat on the runway for over an hour and then had to head back to our gate to refuel before actually taking off. Once again I remained patient. Then, the flight attendants notified us that we needed to deplane (which means we all had to get off) and could wait for this plane to leave at a later time or book a new flight. Babies were crying, people were frustrated, and I began to realize what an interesting experience this was going to turn into.

            I was so polite (and stupid) that I let the impatient passengers exit and clear the isle before I tried to squeeze out. That landed me a spot at the very end of the line to rebook flights. I gotta tell ya, I was really praying for a positive and calm attitude at this point. I knew I would eventually get to Dénia, but I just didn’t know how.

            At 4:30 I made it up to the desk where the woman instructed me to get back on the same plane and go to JFK airport where I could find a later connecting flight to Paris and not even miss my third flight to Valencia. As I was walking down the tunnel to board the plane, the flight was cancelled. Yeah… For Real… Are you sympathizing with me yet!?!?

This time I ran back to the desk (I learned my lesson the first time). An extremely rude Italian family cut in front of me but I took a deep breath and remember that I would eventually get my turn, and it wasn’t a big deal. Finally, the Delta employee found me a flight leaving from Philly at 6:30 that would take me directly to Paris where I would still be early to catch my final flight to Valencia. I was greatly appreciative for her help, but I was tired, hungry, had too pee, and it felt like knives were stabbing my feet. (Claire you were right, I should have worn sneakers or something closed toed) I managed to run over my toes and drop my bag a few times. Two young German guys were clearly checking me out and giving me the once-over several times on the escalator but I laughed because they must not have high standards. To be honest, I looked like a mess at that point so I don’t know what they were looking at.

            I made my way from Delta gate D8 all the way to US Airways terminal A-22. That probably means nothing to you, but I walked over a mile to get there. Thank God for Chick Fil A because I really needed to sit down and refuel my achy body. I was sick of the airport and after eight hours, I never thought I’d breath fresh air again.

Finally at 6:00 (after two more rain delays) I got on an airplane! WOOHOOOO!!!

We left at 6:40 and I’m sitting next to a sweet French boy. We didn’t talk much because of his broken English, but we exchanged names, and I gave him a piece of gum to help his ears adjust to the air pressure change. At least I broke the ice so all 8 hours wouldn’t be completely awkward.

            We were both watching movies when I realized that the flight attendants were collecting everyone’s trash from dinner. The dinner that my partner and I had never received.

            I mean sersiouly!? What is up with all of this!? God, if this is your first lesson for me then okay! I got it! I’m being kind and patient and laughing off the frustration as it hits me. But how many tests must I pass before you chill out and let me have a break? I’m tired and really just want to lay in a big bed where I can stretch freely and rest. Please God, no more lessons for today. Every part of me is drained and exhausted…

            On the bright side I’m really proud of myself for staying calm and knowing that everything was in God’s hands. I didn’t get lost at all (even during the mile walk), made new friends with lots of interesting people, and became comfortable with being in an airport. Seriously, after my Chick-Fil-A-Food-Boost I felt refreshed and walked to my gate with more confidence. My back may be broken in a few places, but other than that I’m building sick muscles from lugging around 60lbs of luggage with me everywhere I go… including the bathroom stall… Hhahah

I already feel more like an adult. It’s kinda cool.

It’s not eleven O’clock and we will land in three hours in Paris. I’m praying for no more difficulties and maybe a blink of sleep. I apologize for the long blog, but I really needed to vent about all of today’s incidents.

Philadelphia aiport, Mr. Naphas was right… You win the award for being the worst!

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            I made it to Denia!! I only slept for an hour on the plan ride to Paris, so I was super exhausted. In Paris I had to go through security again and they took everything out of my carry on because apparently something looked suspicious in the scanner. The next plane to Valencia was much smaller and my carry on suitcase wouldn’t fit in the overhead bin. The flight attendant freaked out on me because apparently “I should have known not to pack so much!” like are you serious lady!?! I wanted to cry. I was so embarrassed. After such a long day and so many difficulties, I really didn't need her attitude. 

            At noon we landed in Valencia and OF COURSE my luggage didn’t arrive. For all we know it could still be in New York or Paris. My host dad was really positive and kept reassuring me that everything would be okay and I had nothing to worry about, but I couldn’t help but feel terrible.

            We drove home to Denia, ate lasagna for lunch, and I went to bed. The house is BEAUTIFUL! It’s much smaller than my house in Pitman, but way nicer. I’ll upload pictures later. Yaco, the dog, is so docile and lovable. He has a loud bark, but I love it because it reminds me of Bell.

            Hopefully my luggage with arrive tomorrow or I will have to wait until Sunday. It’s been a long 48 hours… Buenos Noches! 

Gifts & Goodbyes

Today was marked with more emotional goodbyes from family, coaches, teachers, and YoungLife leaders. Trying not to cry when saying goodbye to Robin and Darren Shelburne was the most impossible thing. How could you face the fact that two of the most amazing and influential people in your life will be disappearing for ten whole months and not even shed a single tear? IMPOSSIBLE! It was so awesome to look around my backyard tonight, see so many loved ones, and remember how they helped me get this point.

Speaking of "this point" I think it's really important to remember that I didn't get here without the help of SO many people. To thank each individual would take forever, but there are a few that stick out in my mind.

First of all, where would I be without Mrs. Seider? This woman believed in my potential even when I looked like a little emo kid in sixth grade. She took me under her wing and has remained a reliable adult  figure in my life for over five years.

Seventh grade was an interesting year, and I was blessed to have Miss Fox and Mr. Harper just before they retired. The two of them were strict teachers that set high expectations for their students. Striving to meet those expectations reminded me of what I was capable of. Beyond that, both Miss Fox and Mr. Harper were such respected people and had so much knowledge that they offered their students. Seventh grade was definitely a year of change for me. I made new friends, pulled my grades back up, and set new goals.

Then, eighth grade opened up my eyes to more of the world around me. Mr. Petrillo was unlike any other english teacher I'd had in the past, and I really enjoyed Romantic literature that dove into the depths of emotions and imagination. The literature, music, and stories of travel that Mr. Petrillo shared with us sparked an interest within me. I realized that there was so much out in the world that I had never experienced.

Freshman and Sophmore years, I was blessed with two great spanish teachers. I became more interested in Spanish as I realized my progress. Señorita M. has such a contagious energy that always brightened my day and encouraged me in all aspects of my life. Between her and Mr. Petrillo, the two of them were such an encouragement and advocates for studying abroad.

I'll be boarding a plane in two days with great appreciation for all of the people behind me that pushed me to this point and have remained by my side. In no way was this an easy journey. Thank you for sticking by me and offering your love and support. I'm not going to let you guys down.

So it's a date ;)

Freshman year I sat in Financial Literacy next to Nicole and mapped out what classes I would take in high school and how many credits I would need to graduate. At that moment, I may have seemed crazy because my exchange year was far in the future, but now I'm leaving in 32 days. The excitement has gone from a level 10 to a ZILLION!

Two days ago, I skyped with my host family in Spain. I was introduced to everyone in the family and even a few cousins. Gloria proceeded to give me a tour of the house, the yard, and even showed me the room that I will be staying in. My face was burning with excitement and embarrassment because my spanish is literally nonexistent when compared to native speakers. Nevertheless, at the end of the Skype date I felt 100% assured that a loving and accepting family will be waiting for me in Spain "With big welcome signs and a hug" as my host mother would say. I already feel so loved and connected to a family in another country that I barely know anything about and have never met in person. It just gives to show how quickly first impressions are made and the power of a warm smile and a few kind words.

On another note, SO much still needs to be done before I depart on September 4th. I've been shopping, submitting paper work, setting up bank accounts, shopping, freaking out, tutoring in english and... shopping. Seriously, one large suitcase and a medium carry-on won't be enough for all of my shoes, gifts, books, hair products, and clothes. (now I just have to convince mom of that)

I've also been presented with the opportunity to have my blogs published for the Atlantic City Press every week while I am in Spain. You can view them on their website (not here). I'm going to keep this my personal blog. However, if these blogs become less frequent it will be because I am busy writing the other one. Because I like I said, the blog for the Atlantic City Press will be due weekly. I will post the link to that later, once it is all set up.

32 DAYS!!!!!!!!!