Gifts & Goodbyes

Today was marked with more emotional goodbyes from family, coaches, teachers, and YoungLife leaders. Trying not to cry when saying goodbye to Robin and Darren Shelburne was the most impossible thing. How could you face the fact that two of the most amazing and influential people in your life will be disappearing for ten whole months and not even shed a single tear? IMPOSSIBLE! It was so awesome to look around my backyard tonight, see so many loved ones, and remember how they helped me get this point.

Speaking of "this point" I think it's really important to remember that I didn't get here without the help of SO many people. To thank each individual would take forever, but there are a few that stick out in my mind.

First of all, where would I be without Mrs. Seider? This woman believed in my potential even when I looked like a little emo kid in sixth grade. She took me under her wing and has remained a reliable adult  figure in my life for over five years.

Seventh grade was an interesting year, and I was blessed to have Miss Fox and Mr. Harper just before they retired. The two of them were strict teachers that set high expectations for their students. Striving to meet those expectations reminded me of what I was capable of. Beyond that, both Miss Fox and Mr. Harper were such respected people and had so much knowledge that they offered their students. Seventh grade was definitely a year of change for me. I made new friends, pulled my grades back up, and set new goals.

Then, eighth grade opened up my eyes to more of the world around me. Mr. Petrillo was unlike any other english teacher I'd had in the past, and I really enjoyed Romantic literature that dove into the depths of emotions and imagination. The literature, music, and stories of travel that Mr. Petrillo shared with us sparked an interest within me. I realized that there was so much out in the world that I had never experienced.

Freshman and Sophmore years, I was blessed with two great spanish teachers. I became more interested in Spanish as I realized my progress. Señorita M. has such a contagious energy that always brightened my day and encouraged me in all aspects of my life. Between her and Mr. Petrillo, the two of them were such an encouragement and advocates for studying abroad.

I'll be boarding a plane in two days with great appreciation for all of the people behind me that pushed me to this point and have remained by my side. In no way was this an easy journey. Thank you for sticking by me and offering your love and support. I'm not going to let you guys down.

So it's a date ;)

Freshman year I sat in Financial Literacy next to Nicole and mapped out what classes I would take in high school and how many credits I would need to graduate. At that moment, I may have seemed crazy because my exchange year was far in the future, but now I'm leaving in 32 days. The excitement has gone from a level 10 to a ZILLION!

Two days ago, I skyped with my host family in Spain. I was introduced to everyone in the family and even a few cousins. Gloria proceeded to give me a tour of the house, the yard, and even showed me the room that I will be staying in. My face was burning with excitement and embarrassment because my spanish is literally nonexistent when compared to native speakers. Nevertheless, at the end of the Skype date I felt 100% assured that a loving and accepting family will be waiting for me in Spain "With big welcome signs and a hug" as my host mother would say. I already feel so loved and connected to a family in another country that I barely know anything about and have never met in person. It just gives to show how quickly first impressions are made and the power of a warm smile and a few kind words.

On another note, SO much still needs to be done before I depart on September 4th. I've been shopping, submitting paper work, setting up bank accounts, shopping, freaking out, tutoring in english and... shopping. Seriously, one large suitcase and a medium carry-on won't be enough for all of my shoes, gifts, books, hair products, and clothes. (now I just have to convince mom of that)

I've also been presented with the opportunity to have my blogs published for the Atlantic City Press every week while I am in Spain. You can view them on their website (not here). I'm going to keep this my personal blog. However, if these blogs become less frequent it will be because I am busy writing the other one. Because I like I said, the blog for the Atlantic City Press will be due weekly. I will post the link to that later, once it is all set up.

32 DAYS!!!!!!!!!

Rockbridge: My heaven. My soul. My joy.

I've said this before, and I will say it again- Rockbridge YoungLife camp is the closest thing you will ever find to heaven on earth. My soul thrives there as if it were created to live in that environment forever, with all of those amazing people. And this year, I finally got to watch two of my best friends experience YL summer camp for the first time in their lives. I only have one word that could describe the feelings that I felt throughout the week- REAL. Whether we were screaming songs at the top of our lungs and releasing stress in club or having heart-to-hearts and crying over our deepest pains, it was all so real.

Brooke delivered life changing messages each and every night, and I sat there amazed at how much you can still learn from the same story even after you've heard it 8 times. It's always a highlight of my week to take some personal time and reflect on my walk with Christ since I first committed my life to him 4 years ago. I think back to that little 13 year old girl sitting outside on the frozen pavement on a winter night, staring out across a frozen lake to a huge moon, and her silent cries to Jesus as tears ran down her face. At that moment I had no idea what it meant to "be in a relationship with Christ" but each day I am learning. He has surprised me, blessed me, and changed my heart. On that desperate night my life took a new course... my footsteps landed on a new path and I was ready to run into the arms of a savior.

My week at Rockbridge also helped me come to several other realizations. 1) I most definitely want to become a YL leader someday 2) Everything works out in God's timing, Not Mine! 3) Being surrounded by other uplifting Christians is one of the greatest feelings 4) I am more excited for Spain than ever before!!!

When I arrived home on Wednesday morning from camp, I found my passport in the mail which included my Spanish visa inside. can somebody say EXCITEMENT!? I literally have 6 more weeks of summer vacation before I board a plane and begin a life in another country.

Sometimes I wish I could freeze time and just breath in the moment. Life moves so fast.

No Socks for Cold Feet

After writing the title of this blog I laughed at myself because I quite literally have no socks in my drawer right now. My "physical inadequacy to do work because it's almost summer" has effected just about every aspect of my life including the laundry pile. Hence, the vacant sock drawer. ANYWAY...

At the Rotary Conference last month Uncle Jack said something like, "You all better get a pair of thick socks soon!"

We all looked at each other, and after a few moments of confusion he explained, that in the next few months and as our departure dates creep closer, we will ALL get cold feet.

At first you think to yourself, "Psh! Not me! This is such an awesome experience and I can't wait to fiesta en las discotecas!"

But the feelings are inevitable, inescapable, and REAL. You don't realize how much you actually loved Mrs. Kowalski's class. Yes, I said it. Because those 42 minutes of pure stupidity with Nicole by my side bring me so much happiness. And the school cookies taste better and better with each one that you eat. Tad's visits to my locker bring some kind of comfort just because he's there, and seeing Mr. Petrillo's perfectly rolled up sleeves make me smile because the "sleeve-roll" is just one of the many arts that he has perfected.

This little town that no longer serves a boundary for my life is something that I will surely miss. Every day in 5th period I stare at the countdown that Mr. Miller wrote on the board. Each day decreasing by one. One day further from Pitman. One day closer to Spain. Each day my feet become cooler.

Of course all of these doubts/feelings that blur my thoughts at night have forced me to plunge deeper into my faith and thirst for reassurance, support, and strength. People look at me like I'm something great...

They say, "Wow. That's gonna be so hard. Wow. Ten months!? I could never do that! Good for you!"

But what I want everyone to realize is that I'm not as great as you make me sound. Ten months is a really long time. And I am just as scared as you would be and just as "cold footed" a any other student that has been in this position. I even spoke to a mother who said that her daughter cried and begged to let her stay home, but her daughter still went and is now loving South America.

Now hopefully I never get to that point (the crying and begging I mean) but still, It's scary. I'm only 16!

I read this in one of my favorite books a few months ago, and it spoke right to me-

In fact, it seems that good-bye is a word all too prevalent in the Christian's vocabulary. Missionaries know it well. Those who send them know it, too. The doctor who leaves the city to work in the jungle hospital has said it. So has the Bible translator who lives far from home. Those who feed the hungry, those who teach the lost, those who help the poor all know the word good-bye. Airports. Luggage. Embraces. Taillight. "Wave to grandma." Tears. Bus terminals. Ship docks. "Good-bye, Daddy." Tight throats. Ticket counters. Misty eyes. "Write me!"
Question: What kind of God would put people through such agony? What kind of God would give you families and then ask you to leave them? What kind of God would give you friends and then ask you to say good-bye?
Answer: A God who know that the deepest love is built not on passion and romance but on a common mission and sacrifice.
Answer: A God who knows that we are only pilgrims and that eternity is so close that a "Good-bye" is in reality a "See you tomorrow."
Answer: A God who did it himself.


Ugh! I love Max Lucado's books!
Those three years that Jesus traveled and grew his ministry, where do you think Mary was? And Joseph? Jesus was away from home and away from his family, and they undoubtably missed each other! But there was an understanding that He was fulfilling a purpose that God had set for Him. And although Mary missed her child, and even watched later as he took his dying breath, there was always a deeper truth. There needs to be an understanding like that in all of our lives; an understanding that God's plan is more important than anything else. It requires selflessness, commitment, and faith.

There is no doubt in my mind that this trip to Spain is His plan for me. And although each day is a mystery, I hope that someday I will be able to look back and say, "Wow. That year changed my life, and helped me to fulfill His blueprint for my every step." The good-byes, tears, and heartfelt embraces will merely be a "see you soon" when compared to the eternal life that we will live together. And that is nothing to cry about. So bundle up those feet baby. The journey is just beginning!

First Blog

I can't believe it's almost May of 2012. It seems like just yesterday that Mary Kate was sitting in the back of my car saying, "I'm applying to be a Rotary Youth Exchange student!" And then the night that she was crying (as we were babysitting) because she had just found out that she would be living in Spain. Wow. I can almost hear the little kids still running around and screaming as we stood there talking about Europe, life, and travel. I immediately knew that I had to do RYE as soon as I heard about it. " Live in Europe? Are you kidding!? Sign me up!" I thought.

Over a year has passed since then. Through the highs and lows and everything in between, this opportunity felt like a fantasy. And it still does.

I ran downstairs into the kitchen yesterday screaming "Mom! Mom! MOM!" and stood in front of her (along with my sister and aunt) with the biggest smile on my face. I didn't say anything, but it only took my sister about 5 seconds before she said, "OMG, you found out where you're going!" .. (The laptop that I was holding over my head gave it away)

For the next half an hour we huddled around the screen, reading the e-mail from my beautiful host sister, Gloria, and looking up pictures of Dénia.

As if it didn't feel like a fantasy enough... looking at pictures of the crystal clear waters on the beach, the architecture, the culture, and the pictures of my amazing new family all made it seem like I'm plunging my head into a story book. Unreal.

Everyone asks, "Are you excited!?" "Do you know how to speak spanish well?" "Isn't it gonna be hard to live in another country?" "Why are you doing this?"

And my answer is of course, "Yes I'm excited! No I'm not that great at speaking spanish. And yeahhh, it's gonna be really hard but completely wonderful at the same time!"

I just can't answer that last one. Why am I doing this? I don't really know.
I love Europe, I want to be fluent in spanish, and experience something totally different...
But is that all? I don't think so. I think that making a decision to live away from your family and friends and everything you've ever known is a really really big decision to make at this age. And for that reason, I think it goes beyond your interests, goals, and anything tangible. It goes beyond ourselves. That's why I can't answer this question... because it's beyond me.

Spain Called & I answered. It's as simple as that. God just has a plan too big for us to understand.

2012-2013 Outbounds!